From Smogrise to Smogset

To explore Beijing, Cao Li Ping recommended that Chris bring his swimming goggles for the expected downpour and confirmed that there was no need for sunscreen in smoggy Beijing. He didn't bring the goggles but rather chose to wear his "natural wool long underwear" for the 87˚ F weather, much to her (and other unsuspecting locals's) surprise. That's what they call hairy legs in Chinese, by the way.

Other lovely translations from Cao Li Ping's iPhone dictionary:

SmoovLatte:

A caffeine-o-holic's dilemna: Lydia happens to be addicted to caffeine. Or rather, she takes it as medication to treat her migraines. The Chinese and Russians are fantastic at tea. Let me say that again: the Chinese and Russians just don't get coffee. The two options are instant coffee or…(drumroll, please)…instant coffee with instant powdered milk. Really? Even though there is a jug of fresh milk in the fridge right over there, just to add insult to injury you are offering me milk powder with my instant coffee? We'd have tea if we didn't have migraines to prevent…  I guess it's another market gap that is probably filled along the touristy route we didn't end up taking.

口水鸡:

It took about 10 minutes for us to figure out why this was funny, since Cao Li Ping's iPhone literally just translated this dish as "chicken strips in chili sauce". We thought our Asian humor radar was off, but it was still really hard to force a polite laugh. Second try. "Slivered chicken?" Still not LOL funny. Try again. "Saliva chicken?" Yeah that's pretty funny. Even for the two white kids.

Say Eggplant:

Pictures upon pictures in the botanical gardens (which  include moving, screeching plastic Dinosaurs…so scary!). So many pictures in fact, that we wondered what that kid kept screaming: CHEEEEEZI. We didn't understand but once again our lovely tour guide and hostess Cao Li Ping came to the rescue with her iPhone: in China for cheese pictures we say 茄子. What does that mean? Cheese? (copy cats!) One moment later she says with conviction: "yi puh lan ti". Close enough for "eggplant", if you get to read over her shoulder. Yum. So we frenched things and went with the oh so nasal "aubergine".  Thus the distorted facial expressions in that day's pictures.  Lang lebe Multi-Kulti!